Tajikistan, Feb. 21 -- Marriage, as it is known, is a very serious step in people’s life that is why most couples, especially in developed countries, try to test their feelings and adapt themselves to each other for several years. These people prepare for marriage, and wait for moment when they understand they have found a person, who can become deserved partner of life. However, in some countries marriages between people are still conducting by parents’ agreement, or binding according to first impression, during woo ceremony. Quantity of such “marriages between strangers” is high in Central Asian countries, even in Jural, Secular States, and the bright example of such state is Tajikistan.

Dushanbe citizen Kamila was the youngest daughter in family. After graduating from school, she immediately got marriage at the age of 18. At that moment she had seen Zakir, her future husband only once, when he and his family came to woo Kamila. “Generally, I liked him because he was handsome, and seemed to be smart. Moreover, he was on his feet; he had earned money to buy good car and clothes, so I was sure that he would be able to provide future family and children. However, actually I did not know him personally and came to his house having only basic information about my husband and his parents.” After wedding celebration Kamila faced some unexpected mutual misunderstandings with her new family. First of all, all types of European-style clothes were prohibited for her. So, even when winter came, young wife might not put on trousers, she had to wear national Tajik dress (which is always sewed from fine-spun fabrics). When she broke this ban during celebrating her mother’s birthday and put on evening dress, the husband of hers became angry and cut all her clothes, including winter clothes. Before the marriage fiancé was not against Kamila’s desire to get education and find a job. However, immediately after marriage Zakir ordered her to forget about this. “He said that my only work should be cleaning house, cooking and bear children. According to his words, good wife had to sit at home and should not leave it without husband permission, even if she wants to visit her parents or buy produce for dinner.” During her married live Kamila often noticed that Zakir does not appreciate her rights and wish. “We were so different, like both were from other Galaxies. He did not listen to my arguments, and believed that everything should be as he wished,” she says. Even when young lady became pregnant, she did all difficult work at home. “His parents always had guests, I should serve them, cook for them, see after their children. I did not have any time for having rest, and sometimes even for eating.” Finally, she lost her new-born child. Doctors were saying that the reason was constant tension during pregnancy, but Zakir was assured that the baby died because his wife was “defective”. In a month they divorced.

Unfortunately, Kamila’s story is not an exception; according to Amnesty International statistics, almost half of marriages which were conducted in Tajikistan last time, were by parents’ agreement, for people who have not been in any relationships before. And, it can be said that Kamila’s story had happy end; she got rid of husband’s tyranny, divorced and now lives with parents. For most Tajik wives, marriage is unshakable commitment; they do not have rights or opportunities to divorce by their own wish, especially in cases when marriage is not officially registered (religious marriage, nikoh). For majority of Tajik society, divorce is a great disgrace for women, and even if lady breaks relationships with husband, parents often renounce her, and she becomes an object of gossip among neighbors and relatives. One of Amnesty International clients, Zamira also got married “because dad said that the guy would be the best candidate to be a husband”. She lived with the “best husband” for five years. During this time she lived at home like a prisoner, husband did not let her even to go to the yard. “When I tried to argue, he beat me,” says Zamira. After five years of joint life, the husband dissolved the marriage by saying the word “talok” three times (according to Sharia, it is enough to divorce, if husband says three times “talok”. This type of divorce is used if marriage was religious nikoh, and after dissolving such a marriage Tajik woman often cannot prove her rights of material support or fair partition of joint property). “Life with the man, whom I hardly knew and which treat me as I was his servant, was difficult. However, divorce and period after it were not easier – my parents renounced me, I did not have job, because my husband had prohibited studying and working for me, so nobody gave work for illiterate woman without work experience, and with little baby on her arms. In addition, ex-husband did not pay aliments, and we were always hungry,” says Zamira.

Sadriddini Rahmonkul, muslim bishop (mullah), claims that several years ago in Tajikistan the law, which prohibit conducting nikoh between not-officially married people, was accepted. It was done in order to protect rights of married people, especially women. However, according to Rahmonkul’s words, many mullahs close their eyes to this prohibition. “They just make nikoh, and it does not matter for them weather the couple officially married or not. Unfortunately, many mullahs, especially in rural areas believe that government does not have rights to interfere in the affairs of religion. They don’t want to spend their time on thinking, why the law was established,” he says.

Addition problem often appear, when parents decide to give their child into marriage with relative. Often young people also hardly know each other; for most families close communication between cousins of different gender is unacceptable and suspicious. Such marriages in most countries considered illegal. In spite of the fact that marriages between relatives in Tajikistan are also prohibited, people often ignore the law. Chief Specialist of the Civil Status Shahodat Haydarova claims that couples are always warned about danger and illegality of such marriages, but bride, groom and their parents just hide the fact that they are relatives. According to the department of genetic counseling Institute of Obstetrics Gynecology and Perinatology, during last five years nearly 900 children were born invalid, because their parents were related by blood; and it is only officially proven accidents.

Final reason, why “marriages between strangers” are undesirable, is a lack of love in such families. “Couples, which did not knew each other before marriage, much more difficult can adapt to each other characters and life styles,” says Dilbar Kadyrova, family psychologist in National Medical Centre, - “Usually, people in such couples do not love each other, and it hits their children; the child who does not feel love and harmony in family, hardly can be completely happy.”

However, on the other hand such marriages by parents’ agreement have also positive sides. First of all, in contrast with marriages, conducting basing on love, they are more reasonable and less impulsive. Secondly, marriages by agreement make lower risk of marriage swindle, because parents clearer check biography of future sons- and daughters-in-law. Finally, if parents conduct ones’ marriage, quantity of conflicts between families is often lower.

So, marriages by parents’ agreement have positive and negative sides. On one hand, they can cause many troubles, beginning with right abusing to genetic children’s diseases. On the other hand, most parents are sure that their change would be better anyway because, they have more life experience. In spite of everything, fact is that more and more Tajik families are forming basing on “marriage of strangers”.