tilak jha commented on "The CHEAPEST CAR ON THE ROAD" (9 months ago)

Cheers and smiles... Nano is set to change the way car industry thought. It's a milestone none could ever think of. We can't do away with cars but we can surely do away with pollution: this has to be the new mantra of the car manufacturers. The next revolution would be the innovation of the cheapest car. Till that time, Nano is the change, the innovation and certainly no logic defies that.

Harumi Gondo commented on "The CHEAPEST CAR ON THE ROAD" (9 months ago)

Hi Saurabh:
I had some comments and a few suggestions. Basically your nose for smelling out a good story is sound and your structure and content are good. In other words, your journalistic instincts are definitely in place. I also like the way you end your story.
The only problem is your grammar and writing style. Try and polish up the grammar and the way you phrase certain things. For example, "At hindsight, the story of Nano is burdened with a bag of controversies." should be "IN hindsight, the story of Nano is burdened with controversies." Or "However, during its launch, the past did not seem to matter as the little wonder overshadowed everything." could be "During its launch, however, the little wonder's benefits outweighed its shadowy past."
You may want to read more English language news to get a feeling for the language and the flow of language.
Also, your lede is good but your publishing date is April 19, which means you can't write, "the people’s car will hit the road on 24th March. The booking for the car started from 9th April."
You may also want to address some of these questions:
-you say Nano is cheap but how cheap is it? Is it affordable to average worker in India? What is the average wage of an average worker, and how does Nano measure up?
-you mention that it's the dream of many Indians to own a car, but approximately how many Indians today do own cars? Does Ratan Tata estimate how many people would buy Nano?
-Who is Ratan Tata? International readers may not be familiar with him, so you may want to properly introduce him. You should assume a fifth-grade audience when you write your stories.
-Is Nano of good quality? I've heard mention that the quality needs some work especially safety standards.
-You may want to elaborate a bit more in the rocky road that Nano faced, especially with the farmers and land, as that is definitely newsworthy material.

Shailesh Palekar commented on "Doors opened for the foreign publications in India" (about 1 year ago)

Title and opening para:

The title and content are conflicting, rather confusing. Your title suggests that India is now opening its doors to foreign publications, which means that until now, foreign publications were banned in India. Your content on the other hand talks about increasing foreign direct investment in foreign publications already in India, which is not consistent with your title.

When reporting straight news (which is what you have attempted), try to build your title based on your opening para, which should effectively sum up your entire piece.

If you are writing the story for a non-business/non-finance publication then you should also explain what "fax editions of foreign newspapers" means in simple and short words.

Also, in the final sentence of the 1st para, it is unclear whether the 26 percent is offered over an existing limit. Did Indian editions of foreign publications have any FDI limits earlier?

Once you get your title and opening para right (which can be a tough task) then it relatively easier to expand the story further and explain its finer and deeper points.

Good Luck !
Shailesh