Ken commented on "Debate rages in Arizona over photo enforcement" (about 1 year ago)

The count down cross walk signals act as a better deterrent because you know when the light is going to change from green to yellow. Salt Lake City has them at almost every intersection and it helps reduce the anticipation level when entering the intersection..

Harumi Gondo commented on "Green wedding plans ease environmental impact" (about 1 year ago)

Carleen:
I noticed that this story is also quote-heavy. In general your story should be about 1/3 quotes. The quotes should be icing on your cake and not the cake itself. If you get some information from a specific source, and can verify that information somewhere else, you do not need to quote that actual person. YOu should only use quotes when it is a strong quote that sends a certain opinion or shows the personalty of the person. For example,
Ordinary weddings use a lot of resources, Napolitano said. Planning an eco-friendly wedding "is all about choices" to cut back resource use and waste.
"It is up to the couple and what is available in their area, budget and time frame," Napolitano added.
Lynn Colwell, co-author of Celebrate Green, said every aspect of a wedding can be green. "But any steps taken in this direction are positive."
All of those quotes do not need to be quoted but stated as information.
This quote, however, "Couples should also be sure to avoid notorious so-called blood diamonds, opting instead for "conflict-free diamonds." would do best quoted. Try to get the actual sentence instead of cutting it up.
This is a good story and if you polish up your usage of the quotes it will be a very strong and interesting article.

Juan Mata commented on "Debate rages in Arizona over photo enforcement" (about 1 year ago)

Carleen: I just wanted to echo Harumi's feedback on the potential this article shows for you as a journalist, and add two more observations. You touch on the problems with enforcement, including "improper ticket notification methods and driver identification." I understand what you mean (from all too personal experience with photo radar), but it might help to clarfiy for non-AZ drivers what these imply. For example, you might explain that ''improper ticket notification methods" contradict the Arizona law stating that all complaints must be served personally, and that "driver identification" is made difficult in the case that the driver caught on camera is not the person under whose name the car is registered.

Also, you included two quotes without indicating their veracity. The first is by Graves: “We’re seeing a significant change in driver behavior.” Are there statistics to back up this statement? The second is Sesolak's statement that "due process is done away with." How so? My guess is that this allegation refers to the burden on the state to prove that a driver was driving at a speed "greater than is reasonable and prudent under the cicumstances, conditions and actual and potential hazards then existing."

Best of luck,

Juan Mata

Harumi Gondo commented on "Debate rages in Arizona over photo enforcement" (about 1 year ago)

Carleen: this piece shows that you have much potential. It is apparent that you did your background research. Here are a few suggestions on improving the piece: As I noted earlier, it would be good to explain photo enforcement. You could also do a little bit more searching to answer some things you left unanswered. For example, how much money has photo enforcement brought in? You also have a LOT of quotes and your piece even becomes a bit noisy with all the quotes you have (for example the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th graffs are all quotes, and the 5th graff even ends with a quotes around "around the country." You may want to combine graffs or perhaps even paraphrase some of these quotes. Generally, it is better not to break up a quote, as you did with "around the country" and with this graff:
"The motivation behind photo enforcement programs in Arizona is to “reduce serious injury and fatal collisions,” Graves said."
You may also want to tighten your writing a bit and be on the lookout for repetitiveness. For example, with your 5-7th graffs you may instead want to write:
According to Graves, photo enforcement was first implemented in Arizon’s Paradise Valley and then in Scottsdale, Tempe, Peoria and other Phoenix metropolitan cities. Although photo enforcement exists in many states around the country, Arizona has been the only state to implement photo enforcement on federal and state highways, which were introduced as a two-year pilot program in November 2007.
To make this story more relevant on the national level, you could also name the other states that have used photo enforcement and quickly summarize the results.

Harumi Gondo commented on "Debate rages in Arizona over photo enforcement" (about 1 year ago)

I dont think you ever explained photo enforcement.